Friday, May 31, 2019

Ferlinghetti (I am paying attention to my elder)

I asked a hundred painters and a hundred poets

how to paint sunlight
on the face of life
Their answers were ambiguous and ingenuous
as if they were all guarding trade secrets
Whereas it seems to me
all you have to do
is conceive of the whole world
and all humanity
as a kind of art work
a site-specific art work
an art project of the god of light
the whole earth and all that’s in it
to be painted with light

And the first thing you have to do

is paint out postmodern painting
And the next thing is to paint yourself
in your true colors
in primary colors
as you see them
(without whitewash)
paint yourself as you see yourself
without make-up
without masks
Then paint your favorite people and animals
with your brush loaded with light
And be sure you get the perspective right
and don’t fake it
because one false line leads to another

And then paint the high hills

when the sun first strikes them
on an autumn morning
with your palette knife
lay it on
the cadmium yellow leaves
the ochre leaves
the vermillion leaves
of the New England autumn
and paint the ghost light of summer nights
and the light of the midnight sun
which is moon light
And don’t paint out the shadows made by light

for without chiaroscuro you’ll have shallow pictures

So paint all the dark corners too
everywhere in the world
all the hidden places and minds and hearts
which light never reaches
all the caves of ignorance and fear
the pits of despair
the sloughs of despond
and write plain upon them
“Abandon all despair, ye who enter here”

And don’t forget to paint

all those who lived their lives
as bearers of light
Paint their eyes
and the eyes of every animal
and the eyes of beautiful women
known best for the perfection of their breasts
and the eyes of men and women
known only for the light of their minds
Paint the light of their eyes
the light of sunlit laughter
the song of eyes
the song of birds in flight.

And remember that the light is within

if it is anywhere
and you must paint from the inside
Start with purity
with pure white
the pure white of gesso
the pure white of cadmium white
the pure white of flake white
the pure virgin canvas
the pure life we all begin with

Turner painted sunlight

with egg tempera
(which proved unstable)
and Van Gogh did it with madness
and the blood of his ear
(also unstable)
and the Impressionists did it
by never using black
And the Abstract Expressionists did it
with white house paint
But you can do it with the pure pigment
(if you can figure out the formula)
of your own true light
But before you strike the first blow
on the virgin canvas
remember its fragility
life’s extreme fragility
and remember its innocence
its original innocence
before you strike the first blow

Or perhaps never strike it

And let the light come through
the inner light of the canvas
the inner light of the models posed
in the life study
the inner light of everyone
Let is all come through
like a pentimento
the light that’s been painted over
the life that’s been painted over
so many times
Let it surge to the surface
the painted-over image
of primal life on earth

And when you’ve finished your painting

stand back astonished
stand back and observe
the life on earth that you’ve created
the lighted life on earth
that you’ve created
a new brave world

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Coffee Monologue

She sat in a chair next to the high top table at which I stood
Eating my oatmeal and drinking coffee

Librarianish looking 
Thin, hair pulled back tight around her head
Olive Oyl with glasses
70 or so
“It’s not that we don’t want them here...
It’s just that they come here with their kids
And diseases that make our kids sick
Then they use our doctors and medical care.”
She took a last sip of her herbal tea
“Our generation, those of us from the Sixties
The last great generation ...”

“They should listen to us before our kids all get paralyzed from these people”
Got to get work,” she announced before walking to her car

Finished my oatmeal and coffee in the same silence I began

~ zjm

Dwelling Place

Reality
That highly touted land of fiction
Those who claim to live there
Mindless drops of water
Slipping down a bathtub drain

I’ll return to the sea and join
Unrestrained currents wrestling at will
Seeking a place to sit
Or swim
Or drown

~ zjm

Friday, May 24, 2019

In America



In America ..

Millions of unused empty homes every night

Millions of unused empty second homes every night

600,000 homeless Americans every night

Millions of homes taken by banks and real estate/mortgage companies
with no credible effort to assist homeowners to stay in their homes

Over 5 million USA foreclosures since the 08 recession

By banks whose officers still run the USA economy
Whether they served the Obama or Trump governments

Pillars of society
who populate the boards
of our schools and community organizations
while legally stealing millions of American homes and dreams

My home ...
Purchased for $175,000 in 2004

30 year mortgage

By 2008 recession devalued to $85,000

Wife/childrens mother moved out in 2011 “giving me the house” in the divorce along with sole responsibility for our joint mortgage payments 
no longer affordable due to health problems and income changes 

Numerous banks refused to modify mortgage 
to my Social Security/Dsability income
to make it affordable for me
to keep my home me for me and my two daughters

“Do not qualify”
Denied again and again 

May, 2019
Forcibly evicted
by bank
that is now selling my $175,000 house
for $60,000 ...

... same bank that refused to modify my mortgage 
to an affordable amount for me to keep my home

so, this week, my children have lost the home they lived in
since they came home from the hospital

Their home of dreams and memories

For now, as I near my 65th birthday, I rest under the roof
of my 2009 Honda Civic
... and envision a new future

Still full of boundless hope and optimism

Some say “I should have planned better.”
Others say “I should have gotten a better job after I was laid off.”

Shoulda Coulda Woulda

Easier said than done ...

~ zjm



Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Word of the Moment


For today
For this moment

It is here
In the bothy of my mind and soul

That I take refuge
And know a place called home

Where I am fed
Where I lie down and rest

And ready myself for the journey
That continues ...

~ zjm

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

I Can See

Not giving a shit 
Is like the defrost option
On your car heater

It miraculously
Unfogs the window

Allowing one to see
Where one is actually headed

~ zjm

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Aliza Quinn Marcus

Happy 12th Birthday!



I celebrate you

... boundless heart

Imagination that never quits

I love you

~ dad














Thursday, May 2, 2019

Early and Late Battles

The black demon dog showed up most nights 
at the moment it was time to close my eyes and go to sleep
appearing somewhere on the inside of my eyelids
leaping
teeth bared
growling

About the time I’d become certain he’d tunnel into my brain
my dad showed up
knelt down by my bed
and listened to my stories of the black dog living in my room

“Make the dog go away, daddy”

One night he brought a small brown teddy bear home
to sleep next to me and chase the dog away

On other nights he told me of the light of God
that was always in my room with me
that the brightness of that light
would keep the black dog away

Light and dark
Side by side
Nothing to be afraid of
Then
...and now

~ zjm